Adios, au revoir, goodbye. This week’s news cycle was marked by all manner of departures, from Michelle Obama’s last days in the White House, to the divergence of a Hollywood power couple (WHY, BRANGIE, WHY?). Let’s take a look back:
Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt this week, citing “irreconcilable differences” and requesting physical custody of the couple’s six children. An attorney for Jolie told CNN that “the decision was made for the health of the family,” but the tabloid circuit is buzzing with rumors of Pitt’s substance abuse and anger management issues. Cue hordes of devastated fans bemoaning the death of ALL LOVE EVER.
During an appearance on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Michelle Obama said that her imminent departure from the White House is “definitely bittersweet.” “I find myself choking up, because we have raised our kids in the White House,” she added. “We’ve had so many amazing experiences.” Obama also ever so briefly broke her silence on Melania Trump, who, at the Republican National Convention in July, plagiarized portions of one of Obama’s past speeches. “Yeah, that was tough,” Obama said dryly, otherwise staying mum on the issue. But we saw that side-eye, First Lady. We saw it.
Iranian women are bucking an oppressive ruling that forbids them from riding bicycles in public. Earlier this month, Iran’s leader Ayatollah Ali Khameini issued a fatwa against cycling, claiming that the activity “contravenes women’s chastity.” But in defiance of this fatwa, some women have been posting photos and videos of themselves riding bikes, using the hashtag #IranianWomenLoveCycling. In one such video, a mother and daughter issue a direct message to Ayatollah Khameini: “It is our absolute right and we are not going to give up.”
If you want to speed away from the patriarchy (just go with it, OK?), why not plunk down some cash for a not-at-all-problematic car “designed to meet women’s daily needs”? The Mii, a collaboration between manufacturing company Seat and Cosmopolitan magazine, has been receiving considerable flak for perpetrating antiquated gender stereotypes. The car will be available in purple and “candy white,” and feature headlights shaped to look as if they are wearing eyeliner. It’s not yet clear what female-specific features will be included in the vehicle’s interior, but we have some suggestions: 1) A tampon dispenser, 2) A GPS system programmed with the voice of Internet Boyfriend Oscar Isaac, and 3) A man to take over the wheel, because we all know that women can’t park.